Chaos
by Teaismyqueen
Summary: Madam Secretary Prompt: For years after the accident, Elizabeth seeks out constant noise and chaos, trying to forget how lonely she is. Only on a date/trip with Henry after going out with him for a while is she able to appreciate and find peace in the silence.
1. Chapter 1

A/N so here's the first chapter of my new fic. It's an extension of the prompt response I posted on tumblr. I haven't been able to finish it before posting (like I wanted) but it has surpassed 10,000 words and I think that it's enough to keep you going until I finish.

I've had a real bad week and needed to release some goodness into the world. So I hope you enjoy my insight into their lives. I think I just needed some reassurance that this was going somewhere, some encouragement. Thats me being brutally honest. Anyway enjoy and I hope to update every 5 days or so... Xxxx

The noise. The huge crowd. The chaos.

It all comforted the girl who stood in the middle of it all, her sneakers banged up and dirty, her clothes new but hanging off her body. The girl was only young yet, she was already broken, her life tarnished by a horrendous accident only a year ago. However, here she felt alive. The noise, the constant tannoy calls, the huge crowd of holiday makers brushing past her drowned out the thoughts in her head. She felt less…. _Lonely_.

"Earth to Lizzie, Hello…" The hand moving frantically in front of her face made her jump. Her eyes met her younger brothers excited ones. "We've got to hand in our bags now. Are you ready?"

_Ready? _Was she ready? She wasn't sure so just handed her bag over to her brother, Will, who dragged it to the check in desk. They were being shipped off to boarding school, was she ready to go? She decided in that moment that she wasn't but no one could know. No one in the crowd knew. She liked that…. Crowds were were she felt comfortable. The noise. The crowd. The chaos. No one here knew her internal struggle. No one here knew her past. It was refreshing and she felt clearer. The guilt that usually hung over her cleared a little in this crowd. Chaos and noise…. It helps.

….

"Lizzie, what are you doing?" Joey was surprised to see his friend. She had her books out in front of her, crossed legged on the floor. He was delivering internal post for the school, it was an after school job that he was signed up for. Elizabeth's was part of the social club, she helped plan events. Wherever there was a gathering she was there. Busy, dedicated. He tried again because she still hadn't acknowledged him this time shouting over the loud music. "Lizzie, what are you doing here?"

Her head shot up "Hey Joey!" He noticed the way her smile was genuine with him, not false like with most. They were good friends and they relied on each other here at Houghton Hall. He thought he knew a lot about her but he never knew this. "I like studying here" She said it like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Here?" Joey looked around. She was in the corridor of the arts building. Band practice was on and it was loud and distracting. Not the quiet serene library that most students favored.

"I like the noise" she shrugged her shoulders and smiled. "Are you coming to the game later? It's going to be a busy one, I'll save you a seat!"

…

Elizabeth's roommate, Emily, sighed and sat up in bed. She was fed up of the music that came from Elizabeth's radio alarm clock. She was slightly jealous that Elizabeth had one although she got to reap the benefits when Elizabeth wasn't here. On Sundays it became a tradition for some students to gather in their room and listen to the chart show. All packed into the small space of their room, listening to all the new songs. Emily wasn't even sure that they were allowed to have radios in their rooms.

"Elizabeth, can you please turn it down? I'm trying to sleep"

Elizabeth panicked slightly, she found that she had begun to rely on the noise to go to sleep. The days had fallen away, morphing into months that rocketed her closer to the anniversary of her parents death.

The thoughts and the guilt returned in the silence of the night.

The dark heavy silence that pressed down on her pushed her mind to think about her parents. She debated telling Emily why she wanted it on. Why she needed it however, her mouth and her heart wouldn't open up so she grabbed the alarm clock and stuffed it under her pillow. The angry static took a while to disappear, almost protesting being moved from pride of place and shoved away.

"Is that better Emily?"

Emily laid back down and she could still hear it but the sound was muffled and it was quieter. "Yeah, that's ok"

"Thank you" The thank you puzzled Emily, why Elizabeth felt the need to thank her she wasn't sure of.

…..

"Hi, welcome to UVA. My name is Claire. I'm part of the housing team, can I take your name?"

"Elizabeth Adams" Elizabeth eyed the girl in the shabby cardigan with interest. She seemed kind, if not a little bored at being stationed here at arrivals. Elizabeth noticed how Claires eyes shot up from the list of names when Elizabeth told her her name.

"Elizabeth…. I recognise that name…. Aaaa yes" Claire's voice grew higher in pitch as her eyes lit up. "Your special requests… _place me somewhere loud" _

"I don't mind noise, I quite like it actually" Elizabeth plainly stated.

"Well, I've got you on the third floor. It's up high but next to an air vent. You can pretty much hear the common room all day long."

Elizabeth was skeptical, this sounded too good to be true. Her eyebrow raised slightly as she listened to Claire laugh softly.

"You can trust me on this. It used to be my room"

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. Do you have anyone to help you with your stuff?" Claire's innocent question bought a wave of emotion through Elizabeth. _No, I'm doing this on my own. _

"Nah, I'm good thanks. I'll be fine"

"I can give you a hand if you'd like?"

"Honestly, I'm fine. I'm used to it" the finality of Elizabeth's tone told Claire not to push it any further.

"OK, Elizabeth who likes noise. Here's your key, we are having a social in the common room later. Make sure to pop down a later. Your roommate, Becky, has already checked in. You'll find all the rules and regulations in this pack, read through it and bring the completed paperwork down to the social tonight."

Full of apprehension and excitement Elizabeth began trudging her stuff across the campus and towards her new dorm. She had finally made it to her college and she wondered where her path would take her.

…

Elizabeth smiled as she lay in bed, exhausted, it was 1:30am and she could still hear the stragglers of the party downstairs. Just gently in the background but it was noise. It made her feel included and like she was surrounded. _Not lonely. _

…

2 months into her adventure at UVA Elizabeth had found herself attending less and less social events. The social secretary of Houghton Hall now preferred her room and her constant stream of banging doors and the mindless hum of voices that floated through the wall of her dorm. Truth be told she had found the social events to be filled with people that were just after one thing, sex.

She ploughed into her studies, dedicating a lot of time to extra assignments and she consistently proved herself to be in the top of her class. Elizabeth even retreated to the library to study, something she never had done had Houghton Hall. This was tourtore though. It was hard and it was silent. It was _lonely. _The silence seemed to push down onto her and she felt as though the pressure was not allowing her lungs to expand enough to breathe.

Feeling dizzy and scarred by this experience she trudged her way back across the campus to the dining hall. As Elizabeth entered the noise level hit her hard. It was just after lunch and the hall was packed. The smell of fried food permeated the air and it was _chaotic._

Settling down right in the middle of it all Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief. This was better, her mind was occupied by the work laid in front of her and her subconscious mind was happy with the background noise. There was no chance of her mind being able to wander down the dark path that silence allowed.

…

The evenings had been growing steadily darker which, pushed everyone inside earlier. This wasn't a bad thing in Elizabeth's mind as the steady noise kept her company, the only thing was as the evening grew darker it meant that the anniversary was approaching. That event that had now shaped her forever. That now controlled her enough that she sought out ways to not feel lonely. She flipped over and screamed into her pillow. She screamed loudly. She screamed until her throat hurt. She was fed up of being a slave to this. She was exhausted. She needed wanted to be free of this.

In that moment she decided to call her brother. To seek him out, to see how he was doing. To see if he was bound by this event like she was. The call rang, once, twice and on the third attempt he answered.

"Yeah, hello?"

"Will it's me" Suddenly feeling nervous and unprepared, why was she calling? _To share this pain with someone who knows… _

"Oh, hey! Everything ok?" he sounded cheery, unbothered.

Was everything ok? No, but he was her brother and she was just checking in on him. "Yeah, just seeing how you are?"

"I'm good, got my first midterms approaching and ya know a party tonight" His voice seemed unburdened to her. She supposed it was because he survived. He must feel lucky, like he was spared to continue living.

"Yeah, but how are you doing? It's almost been 5 years" Elizabeth knew she needn't explain what she meant by that, the awkward silence that now fell between them was evidence of that.

Huffing a little and sounding a little spiteful "Look, Lizzie. I've got to go. I'm ok. Maybe you just need to let go"


	2. Chapter 2

Hey lovely reader, so this follows on from the original prompt I posted on tumblr. Henry and Elizabeth meet at the party and what happens next? Enjoy

...

The music was loud. The bass was intense and every beat mixed with the alcohol inside of her body. Its vibrations echoed from deep inside her chest out and down to her fingertips. It rattled her broken feelings, the broken promises inside of her hollow chest. The shards of her pain and anguish a secret for just her to know about. The room was packed and as the crowd swayed, jostling her, pushing her around however, she found herself laughing. Laughing like a child on a fairground ride. She felt like she was floating above her body, like she was underwater. Everything was slightly muffled, her senses murkey.

She finally felt numb.

She was ready to let go.

_Let go_. That's what her brother had spitefully spat down the phone at her. Those two words had sent her here. To this party. To this room. To this bass. She found comfort in the anonymity of this place. She never normally came here, she ended up here almost by accident, having walked campus and followed the music. Followed the pounding of the bass. She could just let loose and forget herself.

_Oh, _the bass. It was distracting. Quieting the thoughts that clouded her mind. She was enjoying this, the vibration. She was now between two large guys. Their hands were on her. On her hips. In her hair. She locked onto the guy in front of her and swung her head around to the beat of the music. Briefly enjoying the sensation of the room being delayed by 2 seconds. This buzz. This bass.

She opened her eyes and noticed a guy at the side of the room watching her.

He was tall. Muscular. Long hair. Intense.

He was interesting to her. She carried on dancing, moving with the crowd. She began dancing just for him. Moving her hips a little more, glancing over her shoulder at him, stealing glances at the guy.

Once, twice, three times they locked eyes.

Suddenly the hands that were on her body, holding her up were not the ones she wanted. She wanted his hands.

He made her want to _feel. _

She needed to let go. Pushing off from the makeshift dancefloor she moved across the crowded space to the long haired guy. Standing a few inches away from him was almost torture to her. So she leant into him, standing on her tiptoes and shouted over the music into his ear.

"I need to let go. Make me forget."

"My name is Henry." his hot breath tickled her neck, his lips tantalisingly close to her skin. She was _feeling _something.

"I'm Elizabeth" she replied as she pressed her body against his, pleased to feel his penis semi hard against her stomach and his hands on her hips.

She just needed to feel.

She just needed to let go.

She just needed a distraction.

"Take me Henry. I just need to feel something good tonight." His response was clear. His lips captured hers in a haze of beer and mixers. It was sloppy, she was drunk after all and he was heady with lust for this girl. The 4 beers he had sunk had given him the confidence to kiss her. Their tongues met and both groaned a little pressing into each other a little more. The wall behind Henry providing them support as their bodies moved against one another.

Both desperate for each other, desperate to let go.

He was getting back in the game, she was trying to forget. They were both looking for fun that night and had found it.

….

The sex was sloppy yet erotic. They were upstairs now, the party was raging below them and the bass could still be felt through the floor and it accompanied the partly naked couple. He was moving inside her, moving against her harder and faster.

Elizabeth gasped suddenly when his fingers moved between them and roughly moved against her skin there. Through the alcohol haze that clouded her mind she felt something and she wanted more of it. She couldn't quite remember his name so she used her hand to grasp his wrist to slow him down to guide his fingers, that were now slick with her arousal.

"Slower" Elizabeth couldn't help but huff with frustration. She wanted to come and he wasn't getting her there. "_you're_ not summoning a fucking genie"

"Like this?" his fingers slowed a little and moved in circles against her. Elizabeth rolled her eyes as she moved his hand towards her clit as he was so far off.

"How about here" she watched him as he blushed furiously. Clearly embarrassed at his mistake. Elizabeth closed her eyes again trying to get back to feeling aroused but she had sort of lost the momentum. She felt him pull out of her and move across to lay next to her on the bed.

"Fuck. I'm sorry." his voice sounded pained, clouded with slight embarrassment still.

"I just wanted to forget for one fucking night." Her voice was laden with disappointment and she couldn't help but feel a little let down and embarrassed at herself. This was unlike her and the reality of the situation was hitting her like a ton of bricks. She was partly naked with some guy who's name she wasn't 100% sure on.

"Me too" he replied.

_Huh. _So she wasn't the only one trying to forget. If she was wanting more from this guy than tonight she would have asked but she couldn't muster the energy. They laid still for a little while longer before Elizabeth made the first move and sat up reaching for her pants. "I think it's best I go" she hesitated unsure of how he would take this. She had only just met him, would he be mad and force her to stay. An instant fear suddenly rose within her and she hastily dressed before he could reach out to her. When his hand did grasp her arm she jumped and let out a shocked gasp.

"Sorry" He quickly released her arm "I didn't mean to scare you. Do you want me to walk you back?"

Internally she battled it out with herself. She wanted to run, to flee this encounter and this guy. She didn't want him walking her back. She suddenly felt sober. Felt like she had been splashed in the face with cold water.

"Errrr no, I'm fine. It was nice to meet you" Elizabeth recoiled a little at her words. _Nice to meet you? Elizabeth for god's sake. This was anything but nice._ "Bye" and with that she ran out of the room. Out of the party and back to her room hoping that Becky was up and around to talk to.

…

A few weeks had passed and Elizabeth had successfully managed to avoid the guy from the party. She thought about retreating back to the library to study, instead of the common areas that she favoured, just to minimise the risk of bumping into him but the promised silence of the library still filled her with dread. So, she continued studying in the cafeteria, with all its glorious noise swirling around her.

Just when he had completely slipped out of her mind all together she had come face to face with him as he sat down at the table opposite her. She quickly glanced over at the person that sat down and when she noticed his hair flopping over his face she knew it was him. Like a rabbit caught in the headlights she froze wondering what to do. She couldn't even remember his name but she remembered how his hands felt on her body. Shifting uncomfortably in her chair she prayed that he wouldn't notice her.

Elizabeth buried her head down, back into her books and tried to carry on however, all she could concentrate on was the guy opposite her. She heard him speak to his friend about training, she heard him joke, heard him laugh. For the first time ever Elizabeth wished that the background noise wasn't so loud, she wished she could hear what this man was saying to his friend. She didn't have time to analyse what that meant but all she knew was that she was intrigued by him, yet she still didn't know his name.

As his friend left Elizabeth glanced upwards, allowing herself a moment to look at him. See if he was as hot as she remembered him to be. She almost jumped out of her seat as he noticed her and locked eyes. His brown eyes as dark as hers were light. He smiled politely and went back to his burger. _He doesn't recognise me. _A wave of crashing disappointment assaulted her and she felt like lead sinking to the bottom of the sea.

_He must be out at those types of parties all the time. I was just another girl. _Her inner monologue pained her, the embarrassment of the whole situation was one she could do without. She couldn't work out why she cared so much. Why she wanted him to notice her. Why she wanted him.

And then… "Elizabeth right?" his voice shook her, he was almost shouting over the noise in the cafeteria.

Elizabeth's heart was pounding, her face flush with anticipation. Her mind jumbled, she wasn't thinking straight "Elizabeth Adams, actually" if the ground could have swallowed her up there and then she would be thankful.

She watched as his face creased up as he laughed heartily at her comment. "You are the girl from the party?" he leaned over his tray before pushing himself up to stand.

Her voice suddenly was at a loss. Nodding at him, she eyed him as he walked around the table and stood in front of hers.

"Wow, you choose to study here?"

Elizabeth cleared her throat before answering "Yes. You can have food here, whereas in the library you can't" she didn't want to admit that she couldn't handle the silence of the library, that was her secret. She was puzzled as he laughed at her comment however, she found herself smiling at him. Elizabeth found herself attracted to this guy she sort of slept with a few weeks ago.

There was an awkward silence between them as they both had something to say about that night. Their eyes met and then dropped before meeting again. It was almost a game between them as they picked up the courage to speak.

In the end they both spoke at once. Words tumbling out and mixing together forming inaudible sentences. Once again, Elizabeth noticed how he chivalrous he was as he motioned for her to go first.

"Listen, that party was unlike me. I don't normally do that and I wanted to say thank you for the offer of walking me home." Her eyes met his once again and she almost lost herself in them. "It was very kind of you," she concluded.

"Hey, that isn't like me either. I have never done that and from what I remember it wasn't great." Elizabeth noted the blush that spread across his cheeks and she couldn't help but smile at him. Smiling at him to encourage him to continue, to show she was kind. "I split up with my girlfriend a couple of months back and my friends had dragged me to that party."

Elizabeth's stomach did a somersault when he mentioned splitting up from his girlfriend. _He's single. _"Oh, sorry to hear that" cringing again at herself, she busied her hands moving her books around.

"I wouldn't be, it was for the best." he sounded so casual to Elizabeth and sure of himself, albeit slightly awkward. "Elizabeth, can I ask you something?"

All she could do was nod her head at him. Scared of what the question would be.

"Would you like to go out and get pizza one night? I know a great little place it's really quiet and I could thank you for ummmm…" he stalled unsure of what to say. Elizabeth giggled at him and found herself beaming as she accepted.

"Yes, that would be really nice but do you think we could go for burgers and bowling?" Truth be told she was nervous about going somewhere quiet. What if she didn't know what to say? What if they had nothing in common? She preferred doing something, being busy. She chewed lightly on her lip as she waited for his answer.

"Yes, sounds like a plan. I'm free Thursday night if you are?"

Elizabeth racked her brain, Thursday sounded familiar and she wasn't entirely sure why. Standing under this guys gaze for any length of time seems to turn her mind to mush. "I have classes until 4 then I think I've got something on. But, I can't remember what"

Her eyes moved off into the distance almost like she was trying to see what she had planned until it hit her.

"Aaa, I'm going to vote. That's it."

She saw his face light up as he said "Great how about I meet you at the hall. We vote and then go bowling? Say 6pm?"

"Ok, great. Sounds like a da-_plan_" she stopped herself saying date just in time. She had quite enough embarrassment for one day.

"Sure. See you then, Elizabeth Adams, atcually" he smiled at her as he turned to leave grabbing his tray. Elizabeth couldn't help but watch him as he left the building, smiling to herself that she had a date with him. Her face soon fell as she realised that she didn't know his name


	3. Chapter 3

Hello everyone I hope you are all well. This picks up after the last chapter when Elizabeth gets back to her room.

**_Elizabeth couldn't help but watch him as he left the building, smiling to herself that she had a date with him. Her face soon fell as she realised that she didn't know his name_**.

"What do you mean you _'don't know his name'_" Becky practically screamed. They were sitting together on Elizabeth's bed whilst she debriefed Becky on her study lunch that somehow resulted in a date. Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders and smiled at open mouthed Becky.

"We just never covered it. Now it's too awkward to ask. He remembered mine, so maybe he thought I knew his."

Both girls laughed loudly. "So what's your plan of action then?" Becky asked.

"Well, I can't be like 'Good to see you again, Um what is your name?' can I?" Elizabeth eyed Becky who was laughing again. "Can I?" This time she asked with a little hope.

"No" Becky shook her head.

"It's direct, honest." Elizabeth pleaded.

"Elizabeth the guys dick has been inside of you. You absolutely cannot ask him his name"

Elizabeth threw herself face down onto her bed, hiding herself away from her past mistakes. "What do I do then" came a muffled reply, "I can't go on not knowing his name."

"Your going voting right?" Becky asked crossing her arms.

"Yessss" Elizabeth peaked out at Becky waving her hands to speed the process up.

"Well, just try and hold his polling card. It will have his name on it."

"Ok, that could work"

"You really have no idea what his name is?"

"Nope, well, I have ideas but whether it's right or not is a different story. I'm pretty sure it's Frank…"

"Frank?"

"Yeah, or Edward. Maybe Tom?"

"So it's either Frank, Edward or Tom?" the girls laughed again at the situation.

Exasperated Elizabeth whined "I just don't know!"

…

As Elizabeth walked towards the voting hall she was a ball of nervous energy. She walked fast and direct to the hall, eyes frantically searching the crowds outside, looking for him. It was busy and it seemed like the whole college had turned up after class. Elizabeth was amazed at the turnout until she noticed the banner that promised free pizza after you voted. Rolling her eyes slightly she relaxed into the crowd, letting the bodies take her into the gathering. Allowing herself that moment of anonymity she pushed through the crowd towards the entrance looking for the guy. She scanned the crowd looking for him, suddenly the crowd doesn't seem so welcoming. It doesn't feel as safe, it's almost like her enemy in that moment. Shielding this guy from her. Holding him back from her. Preventing them from being together.

She felt panicked a little, wondering if he would be able to find her. _What if he doesn't come? _She allowed the thought to come and go like waves lapping at the shore except that wave wasn't calm and gentle it was fearful and panicked. Trying to relax she closed her eyes and took a deep breath in, letting the sounds of the crowd wash over her.

"Elizabeth?" a hand on her shoulder made her jump. Her heart raced as the adrenaline flowed through her. "I've got to stop making you jump" the voice more apologetic now.

Her eyes flew open instantly and she swung around to see him standing there. Floppy hair and a lopsided grin to match. "Sorry, I was a million miles away" her eyes scanned him, he was wearing jeans, sneakers and a black puffer coat. It was slightly opened which allowed Elizabeth to see a logo of some kind printed across his chest. He was taller than she remembered and Elizabeth felt like she had to crane her neck up to look at him. "Hello" she said.

They stood a little awkwardly both wondering whether they should hug or not. Both bodies were open to it and they almost moved together to close the space before Elizabeth eyed Becky in the crowd. Elizabeth stood open mouthed at her and urged her to go away. Willing her not to come over, instead Becky mouthed 'He's hot' across the crowd before turning away for her slice of pizza.

"You OK?" He asked her gently noticing her expression changed slightly. He scanned to crowd behind him to see if anyone was approaching them as that's where her attention had gone to.

"Sorry, yes I'm fine. I just saw my roommate in the crowd but she's gone now" Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief, if Becky had come over then Elizabeth wouldn't know what she would have done. How would she introduce the guy?! "Shall we line up?" she asked.

"Yep, come on, let's join the free pizza seekers."

As they walked through the crowd towards the end of the line,he placed his hand on her lower back guiding her gently through the maze of people. She never felt lost in a crowd before but with his hand on her she felt like she had an anchor here. Like something to hold onto. She couldn't help but smile at the contact. Elizabeth was well aware of how close he was to her. Her body seemed to be reacting to him in ways that she had only felt a couple of times before.

The line moved quickly and they made idle chit chat. He asked what building she lived in, what she was studying and where she came from. Elizabeth did the same. She learnt that he was slightly older. He had a place just off campus that he shared with a friend and that he was here on a scholarship for the Marine Corp. Yep, she definitely liked him. Whoever he was… she was close to asking him what his name was outright as there was a small silence between them but she then remembered Beckys plan.

"Do you have your polling card?" she asked him innocently. Why she felt as though she needed to be coy was lost on him of course.

"Yeah, it's in my pocket. You got yours?"

"uh huh. Yep." could she ask to see it? Was that too weird? _Oh god, I'm useless at this. _"I can't believe all these people are here can you?"

"the power of free pizza… I guess" the line moved forward a little more.

"So, would you come if it wasn't for me or the free pizza?" Elizabeth joked with him, finding it easy enough which surprised her a little. She obviously found him attractive, she couldn't help herself watch the way he moved or the way he looked at her. She wanted to know more about him _including his name._

"I would have come anyway. My Dad is a union man and has harped on about the importance of voting ever since I was small." Elizabeth noted the way his voice took on a slight edge when he mentioned his father. The way his lips pressed together after he spoke and the way his eyes avoided hers.

She wondered to herself what had happened for them to get to this point in their relationship. She supposed she never got the time to 'get mad' at her dad or 'see their differences' as she grew into who she was because their time had been cut short. Feeling slightly overwhelmed at where her thoughts had taken her she peered around him at the line that was now steadily moving forward. Wondering how much longer she would have until they went bowling.

"Looks like we are nearly there. Have you got your card out ready"

"Yep" She watched his hands as he reached around to him back pocket to pull out the folded card. She sighed as she noticed his name was on the inside. _Damn. _"We are next, after you" he guestered for her to go first holding his arm out in front of them towards the check in clerks.

"No! You go first, I can't find my card" Wildly thinking of an excuse so she could hang back to hear him announce himself.

"OK… Sure." He grinned at her and before stepping away he surprised her by leaning in towards her. She held her breath with anticipation. His lips were close to her skin, she could feel his warm breath on her. He whispered "Elizabeth, it's in your hand" with that he was gone. She was left stunned, and wanting more from him. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and realised this was her time to hear his name. She moved as close as possible and willed everyone around her to be quiet.

She could hear him making small talk with the lady behind the desk and she heard her ask his name and he replied.

"Henry McCord"

That was it. That was a moment she knew she wouldn't forget. It was as though she had remembered it and it sounded so familiar. Her heart warmed at the name and she knew it was a name she liked and could love.

…

"Ok, Adams, lets see how you play" Elizabeth tied her laces into a neat bow and looked up to see Henry stretching his body out. Before she could stop herself, a laugh bubbled up from her belly up through her chest at him. He looked so funny stretching his arm up behind his back, she couldn't help it. The sound of her laugh made him whip his head around, his hair falling over his face a little, his lips turned upwards into a smile.

"You don't need to stretch if your technique is right" Standing up and walking over towards him, her eyes never leaving his. The loud chatter, the music, the sound of pins dropping and resetting allowed her relative safety, it was comforting to Elizabeth and allowed her to be a little more forward. She didn't feel exposed like she would if they were in silence. She shivered slightly as she thought about them being in a near silent restaurant with just them and pizza for company. What would she say? What would they talk about?

Henry laughed at Elizabeth as she sauntered over to their lane, casually glancing over her shoulder at Henry who was walking slowly behind her. They flirted heavily as they played lightly brushing up against each other, holding each others gaze for a little longer than necessary and gently teasing each other with words. It was comfortable and it seemed natural. All awkwardness about their first meeting seemed to be forgotten about until the walk home when Henry bought it up, apologising again for his lack of skill.

"Hey, it's ok." Elizabeth tried to reassure him, she didn't want to talk about this. About what had led her to the party in the first place. She was already on edge as they walked home in the chilly November air. It was quiet and the silence was a little too much for her. "Really"

"Now, I've spent an evening with you I'm struggling to see why you were at that party?" Henry's voiced his thoughts with trepidation. He had always been taught to discuss thoughts and feelings. He was just doing what he knew. He had noticed though that Elizabeth had become a little stiff, apprehensive at being outside. She was a different girl to the one in the bowling alley. She was almost shy now. "Did you know anyone there?"

Elizabeth internally battled with herself, unsure of what she should share with him. She liked him, she knew that much but she didn't want to share that part of her just yet, the part that included her parents. This was her secret. This was her issue to deal with. "I didn't know anyone there. I just followed the music and ended up there." She took a deep breath as they walked along before continuing. She noticed Henry had stayed silent allowing her the time to talk. Elizabeth thought that was polite, she admired that virtue. She felt safer with him and trusted him enough "I had a difficult conversation with my brother on the phone and I needed to forget it. I shouldn't have gone but I just needed a release"

"I'm pleased you went" Elizabeth felt his body lightly bump into her as they walked. "I'm pleased that we met" She noticed him stop out of the corner of her eye, she turned to see him standing there looking at her. The streetlights highlighting his face, his smile. Butterflies flew through her body, flew frightfully fast around her stomach, he made her heart race in anticipation. She found herself moving slowly back towards him, moving to stand right in front of him so she could look into his dark brown eyes. They were kind, He was kind. Her eyes naturally fell to his lips. They were slightly parted and his tongue flicked out quickly wetting them before he smiled at her. She couldn't quite believe the pull that she felt in her body. There was something greater at play here, a force larger than life that was pushing them together, Elizabeth leant into his body and she felt his arms lightly hold her close. She found herself tilting her head up towards him, closing the distance between them. She needed his lips on her, she wanted to kiss him. To show her feelings, to experience her feelings, their feelings.

She let her eyes slip closed as he leant down towards her. Letting the moment sweep her along, allowing her body to take over. His lips touched hers lightly. She kissed him softly in return. His lips were soft and they were gentle with each other. Their breath mixed between them as they kissed again. This time a little firmer. Her bottom lip between his lips felt divine and her hands sought out his hips, she couldn't help but squeeze him a little, making sure that he was real. As he felt her hands on his body he slipped his tongue out to gently met hers. They melded together, moving their lips softly but surely. It was romantic, gentle yet it was heated and sensual.

Finally with a quick gasp and a peck he pulled away. Elizabeth was left breathless. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled, slightly bashful. A slight giggle of nerves escaped as they stood together and he pulled her into his body holding her close as he grinned like a cheshire cat just having the best kiss of his whole life.


	4. Chapter 4

Sooo... Follows on from the previous chapter. Elizabeth and Henry have been bowling and had that romantic kiss, they now are nearly back at her diorm.i hope that you are all enjoying this story of mine. Love always xxx

As they neared her building Elizabeth's frantic conversations started to slow a bit. Her need to fill every silence was exhausting her. So she asked Henry about his training, how it was going, how he felt about being deployed. What his future looked like…. Anything, just to hear him speak, hear his dreams, hear his deep voice that floated and changed in pitch as he spoke passionately about slight annoyances. When they turned the corner and noticed the warm yellow glow of the entrance she slowed slightly. Not quite wanting this evening to end, he of course sensed it and immediately wanted to reassure her that this wouldn't be the only time they went out.

"So this weekend…."

"Yeah?" Elizabeth stared at her feet at first not quite having the confidence to look at him. Just in case he was telling her he had another date with someone else.

"Would you like to meet up, say Saturday night?" Elizabeth felt her head turn to his a huge grin plastered across her face. Her heart raced and she tried to answer as evenly as possible but he then continued. "I would like to know more about you, I feel like I've done most of the talking tonight, sorry about that"

Elizabeth felt her face fall ever so slightly. She wasn't quite ready to talk, why she didn't know, she couldn't answer it for herself. Why is it so hard to face her emotions and feelings? The guilt she felt over her parents death assaulted her in that moment making her blood run cold. She felt as though she was dishonoring her parents, dishonoring their memory by not speaking about them. After all there was that famous saying, the dead live as long as we keep talking about them. So why wasn't she? Why _couldn't_ she?

"Elizabeth?" Henry gently placed one hand on her elbow and the other under her chin. Gently lifting her face upwards to make eye contact with her. He had noticed her change ever so slightly, she had tensed as her eyes fell. He wasn't quite sure what had happened but he wanted to know.

She made eye contact with him, his eyes were kind as always albeit slightly concerned and she tried to relax, but all she could feel was a heavy weight inside of her, dragging her downwards into a pit of guilt and sadness. She couldn't speak.

"If you are busy, that's fine. I'd love to see you again though. I had a great time tonight." His voice was lower, softer. He was being careful not to scare her, to show her she could trust him. Her body finally allowed her to speak and she softly replied.

"I'd love to see you again. I had such a great time. Like, I really enjoyed myself. You put up a good fight bowling." she found with every jokey word she attempted, the sadness and guilt was pushed away, pushed downwards. "I'm sorry but I am busy Saturday night. My roommate Becky is organising some Jane Austin Ball and I said I would go. I've got a costume and everything. I'm sorry"

Henry felt a little disappointed but hoped that she would invite him to go with her but instead she hastily said goodbye. "I had a really good time tonight and I'll see you next week. I promise. Goodbye Henry" With the need to exit swiftly she leant up on her tiptoes and placed a chaste kiss to his cheek and turned leaving him standing watching her hair blow out behind her.

Henry bought his hand up to his cheek and lightly traced where her lips had touched and felt her presence still with him. His cheek still tingling from her touch. Smiling he walked away before he realised they hadn't swapped information or anything. How would they make plans if he had no way of contacting her? They only thing to do was to go to this Ball on Saturday night and seek her out in the crowd.

… here?

When Elizabeth finally closed the door of her room she let go of the breath that she didn't know she had been holding onto and realised that she had no way of contacting Henry. They hadn't swapped numbers or anything. "Aaaaa crap" she muttered under her breath as she banged her head back against the door.

"Oh good lord, did it not go well?"

Elizabeth opened her eyes and saw Becky sat on her bed sat cross legged staring eagerly at her. Beckys head was tilted to the side and concern was etched on her face. Elizabeth replayed the evening in her mind and concluded that it had been a good night. In fact when she rethought about that kiss they shared, butterflies erupted within her making her smile and blush simultaneously.

"Oh, I get it" Becky was intrigued now. "It went very well and this is a face of 'holy shit I am weak at the knees for this guy' am I right?"

Elizabeth smiled at her roommate, sure they were slightly different but Elizabeth loved her all the same. The fact that Becky was so erratic and a little crazy allowed Elizabeth to be swept up in her plans and that suited the chaotic side of Elizabeth very well. Elizabeth nodded at her roommate with a huge grin across her face as she plopped down onto her bed.

"And oh my god you NEED to tell me… did you find out his name?" Becky was practically screeching by now. Her plans for the Ball forgotten as she chucked them to the side desperate for details from Elizabeth. "AND, wait… tell me did you kiss him?"

"Becky!" Elizabeth couldn't help but laugh along with her crazy roommate, she felt like a schoolgirl giggling over a boy. She felt lighter, the pain and guilt she had felt so strongly downstairs had been pushed down enough to not bother her anymore. "Ok, I'll tell you. Yes and yes" Elizabeth noticed Becky looked slightly confused so she continued pretty quickly "Yes I found out his name and yes I kissed him"

The squeal of delight from Becky hurt Elizabeth's ears, it was so high pitched and joyful. "AAAAArgh I'm so pleased for you, tell me all the details… and don't leave anything out"

…..

That night as Elizabeth turned out the light she grabbed for her bedside alarm clock radio and turned it on. The music muffled by her pillow as she tried to relax into her nightly routine of music and general radio chat she found her mind wandering back to Henry. She turned over once, twice and on the third time she reached under her pillow and turned the radio down. She found she couldn't remember the sound of his voice with the radio on as loud as she would normally have it. As she settled down again she reached up absentmindedly and stroked her neck where he had whispered into her ear at the voting hall. Running her fingers over the area, trying to recreate the feeling of his breath dancing along her skin. She fell asleep with a soft smile on her lips and a pulse that was aching in her loins for the man she now knew as Henry McCord.

…

As Saturday night approached Elizabeth was frantically trying to get ready for the Ball. Her classes on Friday had left her with a couple of units to complete including a paper on how to engage the population with numbers. She groaned when the professor exclaimed that it was due to be handed in by Monday as it was just 2000 words with research. So she started it first thing this morning before rushing over to help Becky set up for tonight. It was great being busy and Elizabeth thrived when she was rushing from one thing to the next. She felt productive, in charge and it certainly helped her not think about her hesitation seeing Henry again.

Pulling the last piece of the costume on and taking one look in the mirror Elizabeth went to go but grabbed her bag with her work in, thinking that she could easily sneak off a little later to finish it off.

Meanwhile Henry was pacing outside the theatre department waiting at the mock stage door. He was waiting for his friends girlfriend who was lending him a suit and top hat. Henry was planning to go to the Ball to surprise Elizabeth and he had been busy. All morning he had been learning the Quadrille, a dance that was to be performed later tonight at the ball and as he waited he practised his moves again.

"Wow you must really like her then" The sound of Tom's girlfriends voice alerted Henry to her presence. Blushing he turned around to grab the morning suit and hat off of her to save himself any more embarrassment.

"Errr yes I guess I do" Henry stumbled over his words like a young boy who had been caught doing something he shouldn't.

"She must be special if your learning that dance" Henry couldn't help but laugh at her words knowing that he would never of considered this before Elizabeth.

….

Later that evening in the event hall, the music was loud, the crowd was swarming around the tall, muscular man as his eyes scanned the room looking for her. He circled once, twice, and on the third time her saw a head of blonde hair. HIs heart thrummed in his chest and he almost ran over to her, not able to keep away. As he got nearer his hand extended towards the bare slight shoulder but as he was about to make contact he pulled back realising this was not her. This was not the girl that filled his mind. This girl turned around and eyed him before smiling and turning away. Just as Henry was about to leave he heard his name and spun around facing a girl he didn't know. She was holding a clipboard and some paper, looking a little stressed.

"Yes?" he asked genuinely interested in who this girl was.

"You don't know me but I know you. Well, I know of you. I'm Becky." Becky noticed Henry still looking slightly perplexed, she rolled her eyes and said plainly "Elizabeth's roommate"

"Oh Becky, of course, hi! Is she here?"

"She was although I haven't seen her in a while" Becky looked over her shoulder looking to see if she could notice her in the crowd. She felt sorry for Henry as she noticed his face fall slightly. "Do you want me to tell her you are looking for her?"

"Only if you see her again." Henry turned away from Becky as she was pulled away by two girls and continued his hunt for Elizabeth.

Little did he know that she had just left the hall and was now sat in the service corridor working on her Math paper. The steady beat of the music and the loud hum of voices her constant company. She sat with her back up against the only wooden door next to the stage, the vibrations were softer here but she found it comfortable enough to work.

Her mind wandered to Henry as she sat writing away, he seemed to be filling up more and more of her mind, not that she minded. She wondered briefly what he was up to? Where was he? She felt bad about blowing him off tonight, wishing she had just invited him here with her.

Henry sighed heavily, he had just completed his fifth circuit of the room and he still hadn't found Elizabeth, quickly deciding to take up residence at the side of the dancefloor. Henry let his body rest up against the wooden service door and surveyed the room, if she was here he would surely see her from this position.

As Elizabeth studied and Henry observed they were both entirely unaware of the other one just mere inches apart. 20 minutes passed agonizingly slowly and Henry had given up hope of seeing Elizabeth, he pulled himself off the wood and headed for the exit. His feet as heavy as his heart felt having not seen the beautiful blonde that he craved to know more about.


	5. Chapter 5

So, I have been on a pretty epic holiday and now I am back. I'm jet lagged and feeling it. So I apologise if I have left any errors in here. I have read it through but you never know... So we pick up after the ball where the two love birds were so close to each other without ever realising it.

**Henry's bed... **

Pushing into her a little further caused Henry to moan softly into her hair, the feeling of her warmth was something to be cherished, it was exquisite and he was not about to rush. He had craved her warmth, her touch ever since their first attempt at this. Henry was sure to be careful with her this time, sure to show how much he cared about her. Elizabeth pressed her lips to his neck and he could feel her breath, hot on his skin. She was panting, just like him and when a small groan escaped her, he was desperate to look into her eyes.

He moved his hand to her chin and gently encouraged her to look up at him, and as she raised her eyes and made eye contact she smiled. Henry couldn't help himself, he captured her lips with his and she responded eagerly. Pressing her tongue into his mouth, moving her lips against his with vigor as she gently sucked on his bottom lip. It was passionate and he couldn't help but thrust harder wanting to make her feel as good as she was making him feel. He cried out as the sheets rubbed against him, so he thrust again, enjoying how sensitive his cock felt. He was close and he went to whisper into her ear but as he did, he became aware of how cold he was.

Opening his eyes, he found himself alone in his bed. His penis was throbbing, harder than it had been in such a long time and so very sensitive. He jumped as his hand touched it, feeling the hot stretched skin tight there. He sighed when he realised he was alone but fully aroused. Still, he wrapped his hand around himself sighing at the contact this time and started to move his hand up and over his length. With every stroke he covered his cock with the precum that was oozing out of him. It made his length slick and he was able to glide his hand with ease. Unable to contain it any longer he grunted as he came quickly in his hand with visions of Elizabeth filling his thoughts.

**Elizabeths room**

There was a forceful knock at Elizabeth's dorm room door, it made her jump even though the music was blaring from her tiny set of speakers on her bedside cabinet. The thoughts that overtook her when she was alone in silence had been worse today, so the music had increased in volume. This was a vain attempt to quieten the dark and twisted thoughts, that seemed to shout at her in silence. It had been a week since her date with Henry and yet she couldn't stop thinking about him. The dark eyes that were so kind, his large hand placed softly against her back and the kiss that made her weak at the knees. She was saddend that she hadn't bumped into him and she was annoyed at herself for not inviting him to the stupid Pride and Prejudice dance. In the last couple of days she had really been dragged down, beating herself up about how stupid she was, how easy it would have been to say 'why don't you come with me?'

As part of her nightly tourture in the shower she replayed their date over and over in her mind and everytime she stalled when she remembered him casually asking whether they could do this again. The fact that he wanted to know more about her, wanted to get to know her but how could she share that part of herself when she still couldn't face it.

The door banged again and she shot up off her bed and she reached for her radio turning it down slightly and made her way across the room. Glancing in the mirror to make sure she was presentable she was slightly shocked at how messy her hair was. Quickly finding a hair tie she pulled it back off her face and into a ponytail, why she was that bothered she didn't know but she had a sneaky feeling, or was hopeful that this could be Henry, seeing as he knew where her building was.

Pulling the door open quickly, her stomach dropped when it was only her neighbour from across the hall.

"Hey, Elizabeth right?" Elizabeth nodded, only having seen this particular neighbour once or twice. "Some guy just came and knocked on my door looking for you, I'm guessing. He asked for Elizabeth and I have only just twigged that it could be you he was looking for"

Elizabeth felt her heart pick up it's pace, she took a deep breath attempting to calm herself. She didn't want to get too excited just yet. Clearing her throat and almost tripping over her words she spluttered "What was his name? Was he tall? Long hair?"

"Erm, yes. He didn't say his name but he was tall. You may still catch him, he left like a minute ago"

Heart leaping, Eizabeth practically barged past the girl, thanking her of course and ran down the stairs, leaving her door open which allowed her music to fill the corridor. She could still catch him if she got down the stairs fast enough. Getting to the ground floor she noticed the front door to her building was just closing as someone tall walked down the stairs, his floppy hair moving with the cool winter wind.

Yanking open the door she shouted for him "Henry!" hoping to all that existed above her that it was indeed him. She watched as the guy stopped and turned around, smiling. His eyes found hers and she knew in that moment how much she liked him. "Hi" She panted as she awkwardly waved at him.

"Hi" His smile reached his eyes and she couldn't help but move closer to him. "I just came looking for you"

"Yes my neighbour came and told me,"They were standing close now, bodies not quite touching but close enough that Elizabeth had to crane her neck upwards to look into those caring eyes. "Listen, I'm sorry that I never asked you to the dance with me. I've been beating myself up about that"

Henry blushed as he thought about his unsuccessful trip to the ball and he felt in that moment he wouldn't admit that he had indeed gone to find her. Quickly trying to shut that down he reassured her that it didn't matter "Hey, don't worry about it. Lets just concentrate on right now. Can you do something now? Are you free now?"

Elizabeth felt herself grinning stupidly at his suggestion and she looked down at her feet needing to give herself a break from his intense gaze. "Yes, I can do. I'm just studying at the moment"

"Shall we go for that pizza?" he suggested and Elizabeth recoiled slightly, shivering as the wind nipped at her bare arms. "I can finally learn about you"

"Oh, um…" She remembered him saying it was quiet, she still wasn't sure if she could handle that. "Can we go bowling again? I would like to give you an opportunity to win" As she spoke she rubbed her arms trying to shield herself from the biting November wind and the potential rejection.

"Sure, I would love another opportunity to lose to you" he laughed and Elizabeth found herself listening to his laugh with interest. It was deep but jovial. It was layered and almost musical to her. She found herself appreciating the sound and how well she could hear it in the open air. "Hey, are you cold?" Without warning Elizabeth felt his arms wrap around her body and she was well aware of his hands rubbing her arms attempting to warm her up.

A wave of warmth radiated through her body and she felt flushed however, she had a feeling it was due to the closeness of this gentleman in front of her. "I am, did you want to come up whilst I get a coat?" Her voice was slightly muffled against his coat and she felt his voice vibrate out of his chest as he accepted her invitation.

…

As the heavy bowling ball knocked down all the pins at the end of the alley, Elizabeth's stomach flipped over on itself. Like it rode a huge wave, building up towards the peak before crashing down, tumbling over and over. She had promised him a kiss if he managed to get a strike and now she felt as though she was being played, like he was actually an excellent bowler. She couldn't help but smile when he turned around looking a little sheepish, wondering if she was going to deliver on her promise or not. She had managed to get 2 strikes in a row and she goaded him into trying harder and promised a kiss if he was to knock all his pins down on his next go never expecting him to.

So, she raised her eyes to meet his, laughing lightly and plucked up all her courage and walked over to him slowly.

Automatically he reached his arms out towards her as she got closer. She stepped into his embrace easily and got up onto her tiptoes before placing her delicate hands on either side of his face holding him in position. She was eager now to close the distance between them, she wanted to feel his lips on hers again. So she pulled him closer and whispered "Well done" Congratulating him for his strike before lightly placing a kiss on his lips. She lingered, hovering her lips over his before kissing him again but this time letting her tongue slip out and brush against his lips. She felt his fingers grip tighter on her waist as he responded with his own tongue, joining hers.

Pressing her body a little further into his she deepened the kiss, moving her lips with purpose against his. The sound of the bowling alley faded into the background and all she was aware of was him. His soft moans mixing with the blood rushing in her ears was all she could hear until a loud cheer from the lane next to them bought her back to the present, as they broke apart he whispered something to her. Unable to hear him, she desperately wanted to drown out the noise, she desperately wanted silence. Maybe silence wasn't so bad after all. She wanted to hear him, just Henry.

…


	6. Chapter 6

A/N This follows on from the previous chapter. I didn't really know where to cut it off as I wrote this story as a whole and then split into chapters. (a new way of approaching writing for me) and this next part was originally going to be on the end of the last chapter but felt it worked better this way.

I would like to say thank you for taking the time to read this slow burn about a new way of seeing Elizabeth's greif and her need for chaos. Thank you for your reviews xxx

...

As the young couple made their way back to Elizabeth's building Henry made sure that they swapped numbers this time. Once she had scribbled her digits onto the back of the receipt he held onto it as tightly as he could. With it safely clasped in his fist, he walked quickly back, almost jogging back to his building so he could call her. It rang for a while, silently grateful as he was still slightly breathless from exertion. When she breathlessly answered her voice was thick and low. It seeped out from the earpiece and warmed his soul, like the golden sun rays through a pane of glass. He could listen to her all day and not get bored. Not only was her voice interesting, what she had to say was interesting. She had just got out the shower and his mind couldn't help but conjure up images…

They met frequently in the weeks that followed going bowling, attending various sports games, basically any college event they were sure to be there. Both laughing and joking, gently flirting back and forth before passion bubbled over and they began kissing.

Elizabeth had even managed to tell him snippets of information about herself with relative ease which surprised her slightly. Thinking back to their third date they went out to a basketball game and he had asked about her parents. With the constant noise of sneakers squeaking against the court, the cheers of the crowd and the music Elizabeth rather breezily told him that her parents had died. The information flowed out easily, she told him about the accident, about her brother all whilst cheering on the players at the same time. She realised that opening up to Henry wasn't so bad when there were activities to take some of the attention away from herself. Henry of course noticed this and he had begun to notice her… addiction to noise. The dates she had chosen had all been loud, her room was always busy and her utterly bizarre choice of studying in the cafeteria started to make sense. It seemed to him that she hated to be alone and now with a new understanding to her background, it became slightly more clear

Henry had even attempted to join Elizabeth when she studied in the cafeteria but he found it too chaotic and he just didn't understand how she found it so peaceful. That was until he convinced her to come to the library with him one afternoon. He had attempted 3 days of studying in the loud cafeteria before snapping and asking her to come with him to the library. Elizabeth wasn't sure why she reluctantly agreed to go with him. Was it because she felt safe in his presence? Or maybe it was the slight air of desperation that laced his request.

She knew she felt comfortable for the first time since the accident and she felt as though she could tackle anything with him by her side, including the library. So she simply nodded and said "Let's go"

Henry noticed how she had slowed down as they neared the entrance and he squeezed her hand, trying to reassure her and guide her through his touch. When she almost came to a stop he leant into her side, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and softly said to her, "Hey, I got you. Why don't you like it here?"

Elizabeth stopped dead in her tracks, the wind continuing to rush around her as she stood still. Her heart continued to race as she remained unable to continue walking, unsure of what to say to him. How to explain the thoughts that crept out when she was surrounded by silence. How her mind twisted itself into knots of darkness that reminded her she was alone. She didn't want to appear weak, she didn't need rescuing, she was able to handle herself. She could do this, she could live this life without having to address the loss of her parents.

She wrestled with what to say, how to say it until he took her hands and stood in front of her willing her to talk. The way his voice sounded when he almost pleaded with her was enough to spurr her into action. Taking a deep breath and a huge leap into the unknown she began

"I have a hard time being alone, in silence. It makes me feel lonely and I don't deal with it very well."

"But you are with me and I promise to not leave you in here" He recoiled a little at the flash of ice from her. She was finally talking and it was a huge accomplishment and she didn't appreciate being interrupted or the fact he seemed as though he wanted to rescue her. "Sorry, carry on" Henry sheepishly said when he noticed her eyes narrow.

Sighing she continued "It's not the fact you are with me, I can see that, I can see you… and all the other students. It's the fact that when it's silent my… my... " His gloved hands squeezed hers in encouragement "my thoughts turn darker and they seem to consume me. I can't help but travel down dark paths in my mind about my parents dying, leaving us in the world alone and I'd rather not have to deal with those thoughts, so I don't. I actively avoid silence"

A moment of clarity washed over Henry, she had just confirmed was he suspected. The dates she had chosen to go on, the places of study she chose, the dorm room that had constant background noise it all made sense. She was avoiding her thoughts, her feelings and he couldn't blame her. Wasn't it what he had done with Tommy, until his mom made him talk? Henry watched as her eyes flitted around, looking everywhere but in his direction and he pulled her close wrapping his arms around her body, feeling her arms wrap around his back, holding onto him. They stood in silence, he didn't want to press her further and she didn't want to speak.

Her mind felt lighter somehow and she felt as though a weight had been lifted, the pressure released, a small but noticeable amount. Breathing in deeply she inhaled Henry's scent and closed her eyes, feeling herself growing closer to him, feeling attached to him. After a short while the winter wind seemed to creep it's way through the seams of their coats making them both shiver.

"Ready to face the silence?" Henry spoke softly into her hair, not wanting to break the moment. He felt her tense slightly and he pressed a kiss to her cheek, trying to catch her eyesight, smiling warmly at her.

Elizabeth allowed her eyes to lock with his and she forced a small smile. She couldn't help but grin when she noticed he was giving her his best lopsided goofy grin that she was so fond of. "I'm not even close but if you are there to hold my hand, I'll give it a try"

"I'm with you babe, take my hand"

"Babe?" Elizabeth repeated, unsure of the word, her nose wrinkled slightly.

"Well, it just rolled off my tongue and seemed natural, like it just sounds right. Is that ok with you?" Henry couldn't help but laugh nervously as she stood there with her nose wrinkled cutely in front of him. "I could just call you Lizzie if you'd like? I know how much you like that!" Henry quickly jumped backwards narrowly missing her hand that swiped at him.

"Henry! You know I hate that!" She was laughing with him now and he moved out of her way.

"Ok, Ok. Elizabeth, is babe ok?" He stopped jumping around and took her hand pulling her up the steps to the library entrance.

"Yes, I suppose" she giggled again as he pulled her into a quick kiss in the doorway pressing his lips against hers briefly before pulling away and saying

"Besides, babe is a lot easier to say than Elizabeth" and with that he turned to open the door for her to enter the library and into the silence.

...

Elizabeth was tense, there was no doubt about it, her muscles were clenched and she was stiffly holding herself upright. Almost as though if she moved or relaxed an inch she would shatter into a thousand tiny shards of pain, leaving a pile of glittering glass in her wake. The silence to her seemed so loud. She could hear everything, people turning pages, writing, getting books from the towering shelves it all seemed so deafening to her and distracting. But she sat there, she was strong after all and attempted to concentrate and focus on her studies.

Elizabeth found it slightly easier with Henry sitting there right opposite her. His steady breaths in and out, his pen gliding across the page as he wrote and his whispers of reassurance to her. She found herself listening to him and only him and when the silence finally pressed down into the depths of her, squeezing the dangerous thoughts out of the darkest parts of her brain and she suddenly felt alone, all she had to do was look upwards and see him there. Constant.

This wasn't easy for her but she faced this head on and for her it was a huge accomplishment and one she planned on celebrating.

…

Bursting out of the library doors 2 hours later Elizabeth drank in the crisp evening air. Letting it fill her lungs up and free her mind, she could breathe again. Knowing the outside world allowed her to make noise she spoke to Henry excitedly, letting her words tumble out of her mouth and form vague suggestions about coming back to her room as it is on campus.

The energy that radiated off of her was contagious and Henry couldn't help but get caught up in her excitement, feeling his body responding to her energy he felt joyful and longing for more.

She felt freed after being in the suffocating silence like she wanted to experience life and she wanted to let loose with him, the guy she trusted. Elizabeth glanced up at him and noticed his hair fall slightly into his eyes as he smiled at her. "So, shall we Henry?"

"Shall we what?" he said with a slight smirk. Their bodies bumping into each other as they walked away from the library, his arm slung over her shoulder and her arm wrapped around his waist.

Giggling, she stopped and pulled their bodies closer. "You know… Go back to my room and do this" Standing up on her tiptoes she closed the distance between them, wanting him to know how she was feeling. Wanted him to know her intentions when they got back to her room. His head bowed a little to meet her halfway and greedily consumed what she offered. This was no polite kiss it was fiercely passionate and entirely inappropriate for outside on the campus grounds. As their lips and tongues met and moved together she felt his hands travel across her body. From being tangled in her hair they ran down her back and made her groan in surprise, deep into his mouth as he grabbed her ass, pulling her closer so she could feel his growing arousal.

Her fingers sought out any bare skin of his, moving them across the rough material of his coat to the smooth skin on his neck. His skin felt warm under her touch and as she lightly stroked his neck she imagined tracing her fingers over the skin on his stomach and slowly moving them downwards towards the source of hardness that was pressed against her. She felt fuzzy, her mind clouded slightly, she knew what she wanted and it was him. The desire to feel her skin against his was propelling her actions, moving her forwards towards something they had awkwardly attempted before. However, this time, she was damn sure she would remember every touch, every caress, every kiss that he honoured her body with.

They remained perfectly still for a moment, panting, wrapped up in each other's arms, before Henry swallowed thickly and whispered "Yes, let's go back and Um… Do this"


End file.
